


In Another World

by SarahtheRebel



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Death, Depression, F/M, Loss, Original Character Death(s), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, inability to cope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-10 03:23:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4375325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahtheRebel/pseuds/SarahtheRebel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Consumed with grief and unable to cope with Solas' breakup, the inquisitor gives up, and ends it all.<br/>.<br/>***NOT A COMPLETED WORK***</p><p>This is my first fan fic ever! Thanks for your patience,  I am a slow writer! Of course kudos and comments are welcome! Thanks!</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Another World

**Author's Note:**

> **This story is about depression and suicide. Do NOT read if these are issues for you.

It was all over. Her heart felt as if it had been crushed under the weight of the archdeamon itself. Why??? What could she have done to keep him? To change his mind? Why wasn't her love enough for him? Her thoughts raced with questions faster than she could find answers.

She stood on her balcony, staring off across the distant mountains as she always did when she needed to meditate or sort her thoughts. They seemed to glow in the last shreds of light, as the sun dissapeared over the horizon. The majesty of the snow covered peaks seemed to reasonate a quiet peacefulness that echoed within her soul during her troubled times. But not this time. The mountains just seemed so empty and indifferent to her heartbreak. They were ancient. They had existed for hundreds of ages long past. They would remain strong and silent until the world came to an end. She was like unto a single snowflake upon their white crested peaks. Unimportant, unoticed and inconsequential.

"In another world"...

His voice echoed once again in her mind. A tear slipped down her cheek. Why not this world?

Her thoughts drifting back to the grotto, walking with him, her hand in his. The beauty was not lost on her, but his smile paled it all in comparisson. Her stomach had been complete butterflies. She knew something was on his mind, but in her heartfelt excitement she had dared to assume he was focusing his thoughts on her. In that she was not wrong... but not what she had been hoping for... 

Her whole body ached from the melancholy gripping her heart. More tears flowed. She raised a trembling hand to wipe them from her eyes, and as her fingers brushed across her cheek, she suddenly paused in horrified realization. He had taken her Valaslin from her! He had taken it away! She had been reluctant in the first place, not quite understanding his explanation of what they meant. How could they be slave markings?! What if he was wrong? He had even admitted before that reflections in the fade were an obscure scene of reality. And he had nothing but negative opinions of the Dalish and their culture. Could it have been that he simply influenced the fade to show him what he wanted? His negative thoughts about the Dalish could have twisted the true meaning of the Valaslin. And he was so obsessed with the fade and spirits, he would certainly take their point of view over that of any living Dalish! 

Her breath caught in her throat.

What had she done?!  She had allowed him to take away her culture, her identity, without really thinking it through! She'd thought he had her best interests at heart, that he would never have told her such things if they weren't true! And the way he looked at her, such expectation, had pressured the remaining reluctance from her mind. What a fool she was! She felt violated.

Her thoughts swirled as she remebered how he had commanded her to sit. How his magic fluttered over her face, as he erased her Valaslin, her heritage. It had felt as if ribbons of satin were gently dancing across her cheeks, tickling her with a cool energy. And as they stood he looked pleased with himself. Proud of what he had done, what he had taken from her.

She felt sick.

How had she allowed him to control her so? It wasn't really a question, for she already knew the answer. She was blindly and desperately in love with him. She felt her knees weaken, and she slowly sank to the floor of the balcony, resting her head on the railing. She loved him, and he left her. She had confessed to him how she felt, but then suddenly he shut her out completely. "I'm sorry" was all he offered in return. She was so confused.

"In another world"...

Her blood rushed as her breath became ragged. She openly sobbed. It had felt so right. He had been reluctant at first, and she had made sure to give him time and space... But their first kiss in the fade had been passionate and without reservation. All at once they had let their shared anxiety dissipate, and joined their mouths, their lips, their tongues in sensual abandon. At that thought she ached for him. Ached for his arms to surround her in a tender embrace. Ached for the warmth of his body next to hers. Ached for his lips on her willing mouth. Ached for his smile... She felt dizzy, and tried to shake her head clear.

She heaved a huge sigh of grief.

What was she going to do?? She was so lost. How could she go on without his love? ...She couldn't... She didn't want to...

"In another world"... 

She pulled herself up, and stood leaning over the railing, looking down. She saw only a blanket of pure white snow beneath her. Flawless and clean. Void of any imperfections. Blank, just like her face... she winced. But the snow at least looked soft, like a luxurious fluffy pillow... almost inviting. Tears rolled off her cheeks and she watched them as they fell, until they dissapeared from sight... It was a long drop.

Was this the answer? She stepped back, a wave of fear breaking over her. She only knew for certain that a life without his love, a life without him, was a life she did not want to live. 

She glanced back into her room, and looked at her equipment she had carelessly dumped into an armchair by the hearth. On top of the pile were her daggers. 

Before she really knew what she was doing, she had walked over and grabbed one. The weight of it in her hand was familiar and reassuring. She didn't bother to close the outside door, but instead began to absent mindedly pace the floor of her room. She held her dagger in both hands, one tracing the leather wrapped grip, the other thumbing the edge of the blade. So sharp. It would slice through flesh without any effort. She had always prided herself on how well she kept her weapons. Honed to a razor finish and polished with oil for faster cutting. On the battlefield she was a whirling dance of death. Graceful flashes of metal teeth tearing through her enemies. She was absolutely deadly with them.

Distratcted by her thoughts, in a split second her thumb slipped along the edge. She jerked it back, about to suck the pain away, but stopped short and watched as blood began to slowly bead. Deep red. It had only taken a second, her skin was so fragile against the cold metal of her blade. So pathetically fragile. More tears blurred her vision. She swiped them away, forgetting the blood on her thumb and leaving a crimson trail from her eyebrow down to her cheek.

Her head was pounding. 

No wonder he didn't want her anymore. She was so weak. What good was she if she couldn't hold on to the man she loved? None. She was completely useless. He must have known that already. He was smart to discard her before she dragged him down further. So pathetic. So stupid. So worthless.

"In another world"...

By the Dread Wolf, what the hell did he mean?!!

There was a knock at the door. She froze. She did not want to see anyone, nor be seen. She strained her ears for any hint of who was on the other side of the door, but could hear nothing. She held her breath. Nothing. Maybe they had gone. But just as she was about to relax, she heard the door latch open. As silent as a shadow she padded back out to the balcony and concealed herself behind the open door, before whoever it was that dared to enter her chambers had a chance to crest the stairs. She drew her dagger close to her chest, and tried to steady her breath

Slow footsteps up the stairs.

"Inquisitor?" Solas' perfect, steady voice echoed up from the stairwell. 

She gasped. Fen'hedis! What was he doing here?! She hoped he had not heard her, but his footsteps fell closer and closer. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest she was sure he could hear it. He must have, he knew exactly where to look for her. She was hidden in shadows, but the cold wind betrayed her jagged breath. She sucked it in.

He stepped out onto the balcony looking for her. And she pressed herself hard against the wall, wishing he would not turn around. But he did, and spied her figure immediately. She was only a silhouette against the dark stone walls, and he might have missed her, save for the moonlight gleaming off her dagger.

"Inquisitor?" His eyes went wide.

She did not answer. 

"I thought perhaps... I might..." He looked confused. 

She did not move.

"I just wanted to see..."

She was breathing heavily.

"Are you alright, ma vhenan?"

She lost control at that. "How dare you!" She spat. She still remained in shadow, but was shaking with unbridled fury.

He took a step backward, hands raised in a calming guesture, unsure of what she was going to do. Immediately apparent was the primal rage she threw behind her voice, and he became very aware of the dagger she clutched tightly.

"Vhenan, please..."

"Don't call me that! You lying son of a bitch! I am not your heart!" Her words laced with venom. "Don't talk as if I meant anything to you, because it's nothing but a LIE!"

"It wasn't!"

"No!! Stop it!" She took a step forward, using the dagger to punctuate her words "I don't want to hear any more! You left me remember? I poured my heart out to you! I was ready to give you my soul if you asked for it!" Her whole body was trembling "But all you said was 'I can't.'"

He dropped his head and stared at the floor of the balcony. She was not going to allow a discussion, she wanted to lecture, and he would be gracious enough to relent for the moment.

Seeing his obvious submission only goaded her rage. Her face twisted with a cruel sneer. "Was I just a passing fancy? Something to play with when you got bored?! What an idiot I am!!


End file.
